Introduction
A few words about why and how this books was written.
Chapter 1 – The Great No-No
This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle to resolving marriage problems.
Chapter 2 – The Structure of Vital Relationships
Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. This chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.
Chapter 3 – Balance and Paradox
A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.
Chapter 4 – Nurturing Healthy Attachment
Relationships must be fed. It’s not enough to just feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.
Chapter 5 – Love’s Hidden Assassin
A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of affection that accompanies many marriage problems.
Chapter 6 – The Other Usual Suspects
This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.
Chapter 7 – Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self
If you’re starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that’s going dormant.
Chapter 8 – Defending Autonomy
This chapter gives you tools to ward off sublte inhibition that can strangle your affection and cause marriage problems.
Chapter 9 – Managing Conflict
This chapter describes various forms of constructive and destructive conflict. Tools for appropriate management are provided.
Chapter 10 – Sharing Power and Responsibility
This chapter contains helpful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws.
Chapter 11 – Great Sex
This chapter describes elements that foster great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.
Chapter 12 – Mapping Your Strategy
This chapter discusses planning for change.
Chapter 13 – Conclusion
Addendum: Message to a Daughter
Glossary
Download Dr. Kaye’s paper on why meaning matters in relationship health (PDF file).