Beaufort (pronounced “Bow-fert”, not to be confused with “Beau-fert” in South Carolina) is the third oldest town in the state. It has a storied history of pirates and ship wrecks, confederate spies and antebellum homes. Blackbeard’s flagship, the Queen Anne’s [...]
Marriage Counseling Retreats That Are Effective And Enjoyable
Nautical marriage counseling retreats conducted by Author/Dr. Bryce & Helen Kaye who have been happily married for 32 years. These private counseling retreats are the most intensive retreats available for saving relationships.
Competence you can trust
When you are selecting a marriage therapist with so much at stake, you should be asking these questions: Does the therapist have extensive training in the neuro-science of emotional regulation? Has the therapist treated individuals with personality and emotional disorders in addition to working with couples? We find on these marriage counseling retreats that many relationship difficulties have these kinds of deep roots underneath their problematic behaviors. Love Odyssey Captain Dr. Bryce Kaye is well qualified to address the real underlying causes of emotionally driven behavior. He holds a bachelors degree in psychology from Columbia University and a Doctorate in Personality from the University of Illinois. For over 32 years he has treated thousands of married couples and even more thousands of individuals. He has specialized training in treating multiple personality, post traumatic stress disorder, various personality disorders, addictive and compulsive disorders, anxiety and depression. His book about emotional dynamics in troubled marriages is titled The Marriage First Aid Kit.
Love Odyssey marriage counseling retreats are very intensive and are specifically designed to save your marriage. Behind the vacation-like atmosphere is a sophisticated design to shift you and your partner to the most conducive emotional state for examining and repairing your relationship. Captain/Dr. Bryce Kaye is an author, a psychologist and a 30+ year veteran of marriage counseling with very difficult cases. He and his wife Helen will sail you and your partner to different ports of call along the scenic rivers and sounds of North Carolina. During the retreat you will receive marriage counseling for approximately 4 hours each day. This intensive marriage counseling is interspersed with fun and exploration as you and your partner enjoy the spectacular scenery, explore the shops and history of each port town, enjoy the quaint B&B’s of your choosing and explore the local restaurants to partake of their fare. The intentional pacing of your intensive work with your fun and exploration will remove you both from the stuck emotional states that have permeated your relationship. During this time you will learn how to recognize and manage your metamotivational states. You will be trained in autohypnotic techniques to improve anger management and you will learn how to gradually remove the inhibitions that are strangling your intimate communication. Most of these marriage counseling retreats end with a sunrise resentment burial ceremony on the beach. These marriage counseling retreats are romantic and practical at the same time.
Bryce and Helen have been cruising the coast of North Carolina for 29 years. They’ve been navigating the currents of their own relationship for even longer.
An important message from the captain:
Our marriage counseling retreats are very intensive. When we start to work with a couple, we look for potential problems on three levels: knowledge, skill and capacity. Most marriage counseling deals with the first two levels but not the third. Let me explain.
Knowledge – A couple may be missing information with which they can readily solve their problem. There’s no training that’s necessary. You can tell the couple what they need to do and they can readily change their behavior to solve the problem. For example, a couple may not be aware that their emotional state during constant parenting will not reinforce their affection for each other. They can be told to arrange weekly child care, remove themselves from the house and focus on intimate communication with each other for at least several hours each week. Many couples can readily implement this and then discover that their affection for each other increases dramatically. No training is needed. Our marriage counseling retreats involve a lot of teaching. Couples are recommended to record the sessions in addition to being given Dr. Kaye’s book and other materials.
Skill – A couple may know what they need to do but don’t have the behavior embedded in memory so that it’s automatic. It’s like the difference between reading a book about how to ride a bicycle versus developing the intuitive sense of balancing the bike. Tactful communication is like this. Skill needs to be trained in or else the person won’t use it. Education won’t work but repetitive performance training will. Our marriage counseling retreats offer a tremendous amount of training in various exercises both in and between counseling sessions.
Capacity – This level is much more diffuse than skill. Most marriage counseling retreats don’t touch this level. I had to invent the term “capacity” to refer to how well an individual operates down in their unconscious. Think of capacity as being the foundation of what we call “character.” It’s the ability of the unconscious to draw on a complex set of resources to perform some very important tasks. For example:
Emotional Regulation – The ability to override impulse and consciously choose a wiser course of action than the impulse. This capacity requires the ability to have strong meta-conscious ability to observe your own thoughts that in turn depends on high metabolism in the brain’s pre-frontal regions. It also requires good intuitive modeling of possible futures. This dimension will affect how much a couple will sink down into shame fights with screaming, calling each other names and using history to beat the other into submission. Violence, destruction of property and other damaging behaviors are often symptoms of failure in emotional regulation.
Theory of Mind – The ability to run an accurate intuitive model of another person’s thoughts and feelings. This intuitive modeling relies on the brain’s mirror-neuron system but it also depends on the person’s history of close relationships. The better a partner can observe and label his or her own emotional experience the better he or she can intuit how the other partner is feeling. This capacity helps one partner to be empathic and curious about the other. When one partner is sufficiently curious then he or she will pursue the other partner’s thoughts and feelings. Love will be nourished. It’s almost as if curious pursuit of mind is a rich fertilizer for growing affection.
Level of Consciousness – The ability to value truth, responsibility and welfare beyond mere self-interest. These transcendent values support a partner’s level of maturity. Many partners lie. Others knowingly break commitments. During periods when one partner is disgusted with the other, level of consciousness will greatly influence how well the partners will stay on course and act responsibly. If a partner’s level of consciousness is low then he or she can cause great damage during the inevitable periods in a relationship when affection stops flowing. The true foundation of a relationship isn’t love for each other. It’s each partner’s character and spirituality that keeps the person steady and responsible.
I find these capacities to be the most important factors in determining a couple’s destiny. They’re the hidden factors that can gradually sabotage affection and lead to communication break-down. Most couples can communicate just fine at the start of a relationship. However, lack of capacity can lead them into maladaptive behaviors that build up inhibition. Covert fears, shame and resulting resentments will often lead to the inhibition that shuts down love. It’s not really about knowing how to communicate. It’s about having certain capacities that inoculates the couple against developing these inhibitions. These capacities can be developed if couples are taught how and if each partner has sufficient discipline to persist in his or her own individualized plan. It takes a lot of time and a lot of work beyond the marriage counseling retreats. However, we feel an obligation to train each couple realistically for the required work instead of merely advertising a pixie dust solution.
Because you have so much at stake we encourage you to put us to the test. If you watch our videos and read our book chapters you will see how our Love Odysseys are totally different from other marriage counseling retreats. Even if you elect to not come on an odyssey you will learn new ways to help your marriage. If you would like to consult with Bryce or Helen then give them at call at (919) 460-2516.