Q: I am ready to have a baby and my husband is not. We are both twenty-eight years old and he already has an eight year old son. I am so ready for a child that I don’t know if our relationship will last if he can’t open up to my needs. What should I do?
A: Clar. There’s no magical answer for this one. You may need to remind him of any agreement that the two of you had when you got married. Was there an implicit agreement that your relationship would involve having children together? If so, you may need to hold him to it. If not now, then when? If the two of you had an agreement, then an indefinite “I don’t know” shouldn’t be accepted. Life is short and you won’t be fertile forever. However, if there was no common vision when you married, you do not have a moral claim with which to confront him. Instead, you can only be honest about your agony and you should (privately) consider your option of a separation. Don’t threaten him with separation but impress upon him that you do fear for the marriage if you are left without a child of your own. The decision about whether to risk for another relationship is an existential one. There’s no right or wrong answer although most people in your circumstance seem to choose to stay in their current marriage. Good luck.
– Bryce Kaye