Q: I’ve been married 1 1/2 years to a man with a 13 y.o. son who lives with us. Together we have no children, but are trying without success …He was hurt from his previous marriage in that she ruined his credit, and left him for someone who made more money. Living with a stepchild is difficult enough, but the other day I found he was lying to me. He was keeping a checking acct (that he said he closed when we got married), found steroids (He said he wouldn’t use until I got pregnant. He knew I was against it altogether). He apologized for the above, but I’m having a hard time forgiving. I came into this marriage with complete honesty and openness, taking on the expense of his son and my husband’s expensive hunting trips. I came into this marriage with xx,000 dollars, he with a debt, and he’s stashing money! He spends more on a daily basis. I need a professional opinion. Thanks.
A: Katie. Believe your own eyes. If your husband has been lying to you for his own convenience, he will probably continue to do so on other matters in the future. That pattern does not change easily, even with counseling. If both of you had separate checking accounts for private use, each being fed an equal amount each month, that would be a viable arrangement. However, the issues here are more general: 1) honesty (no lying) and 2) equity. You are complaining that you do not have either. I would strongly suggest that you consult with an attorney and find a way to safeguard your pre-marital assets. Your marriage should not dip into those assets, especially since your husband shows a disregard for honesty and profound disrespect for you.
– Bryce Kaye