Q: Me and my wife have very recently separated. She stated she is unhappy, not committed to us and we have grown apart. I work long hours and am trying to change that. I suggested we work it out or seek counseling and she denied, stating time and space was the only thing that can help right now. Is there anything I can do to get her back? I know she loves me and seems like she wants to try and work it out sometimes and other times she doesn’t. Anything I can do?
A: Tim, my suggestion is to make sure you don’t over-pursue. You might INVITE her to go to couples counseling with you by giving her that message every several weeks. Beyond that, a hot pursuit only shows her that you’re a desperate anxious child and she will lose some respect for you. If she’s stating that she’s not committed anymore then there’s a possibility that she’s rationalizing an affair. If that’s the case, there’s nothing you can do or should try to do. In any case, you may want to decide on a timeline in your own mind (not to be shared with her) which you will allocate to wait to see if she turns around. I wouldn’t recommend waiting the rest of your life or even a few years. Six months might be reasonable. Beyond that and the odds get slim.
Good luck, Bryce