Q: I’m a 29 year old woman and my fiance is 39 years old, or at least he was my fiance up until yesterday. We live together and my problem is that I am extremely jealous and abusive to my fiance. He is genuinely a good person who has been wonderful to me, But because of emotionally destructive relationships I’ve had in the past, I am not able to deal with him for who he is. I’m jealous and always looking for signs that he’s doing something wrong. I do this so that I can protect myself before things get out of control. But the truth is he hasn’t done anything, but I still find things to fight about. Now he has reached a point where he does not eat at home. He goes out alone now, and he won’t speak to me. What can I do to rectify the relationship.
A: Renee. You can get into some EMDR therapy. Go to the web site www.emdria.org and see if you can find a certified EMDR therapist in your area. This type of therapy is really great for reducing the type of fear that drives your jealousy and suspiciousness. I’ve personally had a lot of success in using EMDR to help people decrease old fears that interfere with their marriages. The therapy works because it actually stimulates a part of your brain to shift one type of painful memory (eidetic memory) into a more comfortable type of memory (semantic memory). The result is a great reduction in anxiety which is exactly what you want. Make sure you get an EMDR therapist that is actually certified by EMDRIA. Then you know for sure you have a good one because the training is vigorous. I can vouch for that because I went through it and am certified myself. Good luck.- Bryce Kaye