Renee from Stamford, Connecticut Who Is Jealous (Q & A)

Dr. Bryce Kaye gives advice to an engaged lady who is jealous and hs trust issues.Q:  I’m a 29 year old woman and my fiance is 39 years old, or at least he was my fiance up until yesterday. We live together and my problem is that I am extremely jealous and abusive to my fiance. He is genuinely a good person who has been wonderful to me, But because of emotionally destructive relationships I’ve had in the past, I am not able to deal with him for who he is. I’m jealous and always looking for signs that he’s doing something wrong. I do this so that I can protect myself before things get out of control. But the truth is he hasn’t done anything, but I still find things to fight about. Now he has reached a point where he does not eat at home.  He goes out alone now, and he won’t speak to me. What can I do to rectify the relationship.

A:  Renee.  You can get into some EMDR therapy.  Go to the web site www.emdria.org and see if you can find a certified EMDR therapist in your area.  This type of therapy is really great for reducing the type of fear that drives your jealousy and suspiciousness.  I’ve personally had a lot of success in using EMDR to help people decrease old fears that interfere with their marriages.  The therapy works because it actually stimulates a part of your brain to shift one type of painful memory (eidetic memory) into a more comfortable type of memory (semantic memory).  The result is a great reduction in anxiety which is exactly what you want.  Make sure you get an EMDR therapist that is actually certified by EMDRIA.  Then you know for sure you have a good one because the training is vigorous.  I can vouch for that because I went through it and am certified myself.  Good luck.- Bryce Kaye

For information about Helen and Bryce’s Love Odyssey marriage retreats visit http://www.odysseymarriageretreats.com  where the strategy behind these couples retreats  is described in detail.

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