Jean from Ohio: Broken Trust By Her Boyfriend (Q & A)

Dr. Bryce Kaye gives advice to a woman seeking to heal broken trust by her boyfriend.Q:  My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We lived together and were engaged but broke it off and I moved out to try and salvage our relationship. We were fighting all the time about little things…just getting on each other’s nerves. He ended up cheating on me and I forgave him. Five months later we are having a terrible time putting us back together. I do not trust him but believe with time I will be able to again. The problem is he has a friend that he was romantically involved with that he is in constant contact with. I know they are just friends but I tried to tell him I am uncomfortable with their relationship right now and he said he will not give his friends up for me . He is also upset that I question him about things he does because of the trust issue. Is there any hope for us?

A:  Jean.  There is always hope but the real question is:   Is it realistic?  If your husband has not been sexual with this “friend” for quite a long time, then it might be possible that their emotionally boundaries have re-grown.  However, if he has recently been involved with her, then a true friendship is unrealistic and he’s lying to himself.  More important, does your husband show a propensity for lying and deception in other areas?  If so, then you should not have much hope because he will not restore your trust.  Time alone doesn’t usually restore trust.  Emotional intimacy plus consistent behavior over time is what really does the job..  If he is still evasive or sneaky, time alone won’t do it.  Answer your own question.  Do you think he has it in him to be honest and consistent over time, not only with affairs but in everyday life? – Bryce Kaye

For information about Helen and Bryce’s Love Odyssey marriage retreats visit http://www.odysseymarriageretreats.com  where the strategy behind these couples retreats  is described in detail.

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