Rebecca from Indiana: Quandry About Another Child (Q & A)

Dr. Bryce Kaye gives advice to a woman whose having conflict with her husband about having another child.Q: My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and we’re having conflict about whether to have another child. This is the second marriage for both of us. We’ve had some problems and have separated twice. We went for counseling for a short while. Things are just okay now. The problem is that my husband wants me to have a another child. I already have 2 children from my first marriage and I don’t have a desire to have another one. When we first married, I kind of liked the thought of another child, but I’ve since changed my mind and haven’t told my husband. I know that he will be very upset, and he might leave me. I can’t seem to identify a compromise. My reasons for not wanting another child revolves around the expense, our marital problems and that I want to finally concentrate on my career (I’ve just recently received a Bachelor’s Degree). The children I have are plenty and I want to focus on them. How do I tell my husband my decision or do I just have another child to please him?
A: Rebecca.  Yours is a tough situation that may not have an easy solution.  If you married with the implicit agreement that you would have another child between the two of you, then you must really respect that that was a part of the deal.  I’m not saying that you must comply, only that you shouldn’t indict him because he wants to experience that part of life.  If he chooses to leave the marriage to seek having a child with someone else, then there’s no moral imperative that dictates that he must stay with you.  Your decision to change your mind should also be respected. You have some very understandable reasons why you would shift your focus at this time.   However, it doesn’t mean that he has to stay with you.  There may be no compromise here.  You may need to decide which painful choice is more bearable.
– Bryce Kaye.
For information about Helen and Bryce’s Love Odyssey marriage retreats visit  where the strategy behind these couples retreats  is described in detail.

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